We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
