first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
