That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
