I'm so fucking centered right now
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
