Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
