A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
