I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have already put on my inside pants.
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