I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize