when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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