I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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