I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
