Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
