Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
