Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
