On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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