Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
