Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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