Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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