So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
