Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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