So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
