And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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