david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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