First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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