I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
