It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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