Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
