I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
