I cannot find my penis.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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