i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize