I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
