I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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