girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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