I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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