I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
