the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
