He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
