so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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