Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Randomize
