I puked a lego.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
