i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
