the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My vagina is officially offended.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
