he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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