I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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