Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize