Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
