exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
