3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
