i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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