i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
