If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
it's great music for shaving your balls
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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