Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
