ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
