It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize