And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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