so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
tequila makes me forget i have legs
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
