you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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