if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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