you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
