Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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