i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
