tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Found your dick twin last night
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
