I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
