Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
