Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
