Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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