just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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