OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
