I can feel you judging me through the phone.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
