it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
