You don't have asthma, your pregnant
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize