now i know why i became what i already was.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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