Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
