He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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