haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
