I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
