Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
