First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize