So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
