I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
