he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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