It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
