apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize