I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
