the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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