she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
