im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize