You don't have asthma, your pregnant
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
