New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize