I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
